


The Anticipation of Colors

by Dried_Asparagus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Dark, Attempted Murder, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Child Abuse, Discussion of Abortion, Divorce, Forced Abortion, Forced Pregnancy, Forced Prostitution, Graphic Description, Hallucinations, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Murder, Name-Calling, Offense, Postpartum Factors, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Harassment, Slut Shaming, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Teenage Pregnancy, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Underage Rape/Non-con, violent description
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-11-12 17:46:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18015485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dried_Asparagus/pseuds/Dried_Asparagus
Summary: Naruto just wanted a peaceful morning smoking on his balcony. He never expected a murder scene from the single mother’s apartment above.





	1. The Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I just want to say this fanfiction is very dark and violent, so please beware or review through the tags before you read. I will put on future notes for addition warnings. Please feel the pleasure of reading this fanfiction slowly.

So in this old tiny building, his apartment was a story upstair from Naruto's apartment.

From the beginning, they were not related to each other in any sort of way, existed in this life like two separated beings with two separated rooms and two separated balconies, lying parallel to each other without a known intersection. Naruto knew him and he could have known Naruto just as well, that was each other's name in tons of names being signed up in this building and that was all.

No, Naruto knew about him a little more than he knew about Naruto. His name was always being mentioned in the hallway gossips that Naruto himself never seemed to care, but enough for the thirty-three year-old man to know he was a scandalous person. Such a shame. He always heard loud arguments and smashing noises came from above the ceiling, but not enough for Naruto to care because that was just something so ordinary in this rotten place called a residential building. And in this cramped, noisy place that had already squeezed Naruto enough - he was only someone else.

Maybe what made him special was that he lived right above.

One morning, Naruto went to the balcony for some cigarettes. There was a heavy rain last night that soaked the floor in pools of water and uncomfortable dampness under his bare feet. Drops of water felt cool on his fingers as he stroked his little plant's leaves. He blew the smoke into the air, leaning on his balcony to gaze at the street. It was still too early, the sky had not yet turned white as calm blue covered it in a sad, stilled atmosphere. As if everything had been too tired to wake and move.

When he lifted the cigarette to his mouth, Naruto noticed an unordinary pinkness covered his forearm. Then he came to realize it was everywhere - on the balcony, on the floor, on his feet. A red metallic drop fell on his forehead, ran a straight line down to his nostril. He knew it immediately.

Blood.

His head turned to the balcony above. A limp, pale arm hung on top of a white blanket soaked with a wet circle of red.

Naruto blinked, walking inside to call the police.

_______________________________________________

Two weeks had passed since  _the murder_ , but the gossips hadn't seem quite faded off the hallway yet. People talked so loud that Naruto knew most of the story even when he didn't mean to hear it.

 _"You know what?_   _"_  The lady asked.  _"That was a boy. He gave birth to a baby boy few days after court. Poor child. Too bad his mother killed someone when he was pregnant with him, and gave birth to him after being tried."_

 _"I heard that was only self-defense."_ Another person said.  _"That's why they still let him live here."_

_"Oh come on! You know they're so desperate to have someone hire these old cracking rooms they'd easily pass on everything. I heard the guy lives across my apartment used to be arrested for selling drugs, for God's sake! Can't believe that slut. I mean, that eight-teen year-old slut came here pregnant without a father to his child so it's not possible he had something good on his mind either, right?"_

_  
_ Oh, how much he hated these people. Wicked hell of the neighbors with their whole life bored and vulgar like dusts on the street, with no accomplishment in life and neither themselves were even moral people. They were buried within this rotten place so long their soul blended into each other... Into a mess of lame humans with tongues sharp as knife as the only weapon and the only entertainment they had, poking at the ones they viewed as the "lesser people" so as to forget how low was the ground they stood. These people disgusted him more than the building itself did, but then - he himself was nonetheless as bad.

Then the second time flew into like a huff of wind. That was at midnight of the weekend and Naruto was enjoying his long deep sleep after a long week of hard working. Suddenly, loud infant cries echoed through his ceiling and woke him up. He groaned, hoping some neighbors upstairs would come over to complain. But the cries lasted for a very, very long time. Longer than a child should be crying before having their mother checking up on them, and the mother's usual hurried footsteps couldn't be heard.

Something was wrong.

Naruto couldn't sleep. It seemed like he was the only person who heard it. He angrily put on his jacket as he went outside and upstairs. The hall was dark and empty, silent with none of the cries could be heard. Naruto was truly the only one.

He knocked several times on the door and waited, but nobody answered. Naruto was in his temper of being woke so he slammed hard on the wooden panel and the door just slipped open. It was not locked. Cold air flew out and touched his skin as he looked inside the apartment lit with little light. The cries came to his ears, so miserable and violent it somehow got into him and just magically dragged his feet inside without him knowing, because the current Naruto was not the kind that wanted to get into trouble.

He followed the cries and the source of light into a room. There, for the first time he met his neighbor.

A small, skinny figure with messed raven hair lied face down, half out of his blanket and unmoving with an infant covered in a mountain of clothes lied next to, crying loudly. Naruto shook the boy because he knew there was no way the raven could be conscious after all of his waiting, knocking and entering into his house. The boy felt hot to the touch despite the chilled air in this room and did not wake no matter how hard he shook him. He turned the raven up, touching his hot forehead and noticed his shallow breathing. Naruto fish out the phone he managed to grab when he left and dialed the emergency number.

"There's a person fainting right here." He told them after they answered. "I think he's having a terrible cold. He's extremely hot to the touch and..."

Charcoal eyes snapped open almost made him threw his phone. Pale hand weakly reached up, tremblingly touching the wrist that was holding the boy in his lap. "Don't..."

"What?" Naruto dumbly asked because he couldn't hear the faint whisper.

"Don't... Call... Please, stop it." He heard the boy said. "Please... Can't... Afford more."

Naruto signed and ended the call. Normal people would have said that life matter more than money, but that was when they haven't seen the bill after they got out of the hospital yet. This boy just begged him.

"Stay here. I'll get you some medicine."

He went right to his room downstairs because searching for medicine would take time. As Naruto walked, he hoped the boy was only having a cold because how much responsibilities he would hold after he fed a stranger in an emergency state his leftover cold medicine. Hell, he could even go to jail after this. Maybe he just woke up so his mind hadn't been working right, because right now he was out of his mind.

Naruto took the medicine on his table and ran upstairs. He helped the raven sit up and let him take the medicine, then tried to help him lie back down but the raven refused. The blond realized the baby hadn't stopped crying since he came. The raven tried to cradle the infant in his arms and lifted his shirt up to feed him.

As he fed his child, the eight-teen year-old glared at him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Naruto, your neighbor downstairs. Your child cried so loud and I couldn't sleep so I just went to knock at your door, and you didn't lock it so it just slipped open. Do you believe all of that?"

The raven boy said nothing, but he let his child lied over his shoulder and patted its back. After the infant burped and felt asleep, the raven kissed the child's forehead and laid them in that mountain of clothes again. "You're the one who called the police before." He suddenly said.

"I did." He said. "Sorry for the bills."

Because they did not only find the body on the balcony, but also the boy lying on the floor inside the house with a bleeding forehead and injured body.

"Thanks." The raven said blankly. Of course he was not grateful, Naruto guessed.

"Why are you covering the child in so much clothes?"

"My heater just broke." He admitted.

Naruto noticed the boy didn't have anything much around. Perhaps the reason could have something to do the smashing sounds he heard. In fact, the raven was sleeping on the floor with nothing but a thin blanket and gave the small sleeping mat and the pillow to his child. Imagine sleeping on the hard floor after going through labor, Naruto knew his back must felt really crappy by the way he sat.

So Naruto went downstairs and grabbed the old heater he didn't use anymore, a spare fluffy sleeping mat, a blanket and a pillow. That should be working just fine. When Naruto was trying to plug the heater in, he saw the raven changed the infant's mat with the fluffy one and wrap the blanket around it, while himself slept on the thin mat. What a good mother, too bad Naruto didn't have another spare mat.

Before he shut the light off and stepped out, he heard the boy said. "Thank you."

Maybe up until now, he had never done anything that made him feel as good as tonight.

__________________________________________

Naruto made some soup for him and the raven because the boy hadn't got better enough to eat solid food yet.

He brought the small pot upstairs and put the soup into two bowls. Bringing it into the raven's room, he stepped in just to saw the raven lying there, stroking his son's hair.

"Menma cried really hard last night, right?" He whispered softly. "Mommy is so sorry, mommy tried to come by Menma but he just couldn't get up."

"I'm sorry, dear. I won't let that happen again." He said finally and kissed his infant's forehead. The infant squirmed around then grabbed the raven's pinky finger curiously, making him smiled.

Naruto decided that was the time for him to step in. He sat down, placed a bowl in front of him and handed the raven the other. "You should eat something. I made soup."

The raven hesitantly accepted the bowl and blew the hot soup to cool it down, then took a sip. He exhaled contently, happy with having the soup warmed his body up and filled his stomach after two days of emptiness. Uncontrolled, the boy held the bowl with two hands and downed the soup in one big gulp in front of Naruto's widened eyes.

 _He must be really hungry._ Naruto thought. "Want another bowl?"

The raven realized what he had just done and blushed deeply in embarrassment, making the blond chuckle. "It's okay, I know I'm a good cooker." He said and went outside to prepare another serving.

When the raven finished his third bowl, since Naruto said he wanted to empty the pot for washing, he suddenly asked. "Why are you helping me so much?"

"Because your door was opened and I am your neighbor." The blond said while gathering the bowls for washing. "Anybody who went to your door instead of me would have done this, too."

The raven went stiff for a moment, then whispered quietly. "No, they didn't."

The blond head went up. "Pardon? The bowls were making so much noises I couldn't hear you."

"Nothing." He carried the infant up to his chest. "Just... Thank you so much."

"It's just a coincidence, Sasuke. There's nothing to thank me about it."

Sasuke was surprised at Naruto calling him by his first name, but he figured it out that Naruto knew his name like Sasuke did.  _Or probably from the other neighbors,_ he thought. But then the raven suddenly snapped out of his thoughts and remembered that it was the usual time Menma got his meal. How could he forgot his child's meal time? He was such a terrible mother. "Sorry, but I have to feed him. It's his meal time now."

"Oh, sorry. I'll go now." The blond quickly grabbed the stuff and went out, making the raven chuckled lightly. Though there's nothing embarrassed in breast-feeding a baby, the blond had probably forget he sat there and watched the raven fed last night.

Sasuke held Menma up in one arm, since he had gotten so used to carry a baby, and lifted his pajama shirt with the other. Lightly pressed his child to his chest, he smiled looking at the infant instinctively found their way to his nipple. Menma had been almost two weeks old but yet Sasuke couldn't stop admire this every time he fed his child. It was something so instinctive, something that showed the incredible bond between a child and its mother and whispered to Sasuke every time that this was real, that Menma was a part of his blood and bones that he carried and gave birth to, lying right here in his arms.  _His,_ and he would never lose it. _Never._

Sasuke stared up at the ceiling, confused with thoughts. Being a eighteen-year-old who barely finished high school and had a child, Sasuke tried to work hard and traced out a safe line for him and Menma. He had several temporary jobs and earned just enough before proving his ability to be approved for a stable office job in a small company, in which he intended to switch into right after he left. He had insurance and a home he hired for a very cheap price. He got no bad credit and a save for his labor and maternity leave. Sasuke was so ready to bring his child into this world and provide it a good life, because he had been all prepared.

Then it was a chain reaction and that fucking bastard was the start.

The _incident_  made Sasuke lose all the jobs because the customers knew the stories and they didn't want to be near  _a killer,_ as they called him, whether that person killed on a deliberate intention or not. That led to him also lost the office job so now he was completely unemployed with only the monthly aid from the former orphanage to hold on. Unfortunately, most of that money was used to pay the rent and the least-covered giant bills he got from the ambulance and the labor after, because too many problems happened at once made his insurance coverage went down terribly and he hadn't been able to pay insurance's and other bills yet.

_With debts lying on his back heavier than ever, Sasuke was stuck. The events made his labor hard and long, his body hadn't recovered fully. He couldn't walk right, his body always felt sore and cold with bone-deep pains every night._

_As if all of Sasuke's strength had been sucked out, after a few days of struggling his body gave up, unmovable. The bastard destroyed most of his belongings so he laid on the floor with a jacket draped over him, unable to get up and eat. Numb. Sore. Cold. He almost cried but he just couldn't, his tears dried from a long time ago._

Everything was so gray and dark. Like it had always been.

_Sasuke was about to fall into the peaceful darkness, forever forgotten nor longing to this world. His breath so shallow below his nose, his soul was leaving. 'Is this my end?' Sasuke thought. 'Sure.'_

_'But I can't leave yet.'_

Then Sasuke saw a speck of color.

And he woke up.

____________________________________

Naruto needed to buy some groceries so he went out. As soon as the blond left, Sasuke immediately locked his apartment's door. Menma's taking a short nap after meal so he'd have some time for himself.

As Sasuke stood, his whole body felt so sore and painful. His legs trembling vigorously and his head felt so dizzy. Still, the raven told himself he shouldn't be wasting time and grabbed some clean clothes, almost struggled to get into the bathroom. He took his small pocket knife out of his pajama before stripping himself and had a quick morning routine. When Sasuke finished, he put the knife in the pocket of his clean clothes and headed out.

When Sasuke was sixteen, he secretly bought a pocket knife and hid it deep inside his bag full of beers. He never left it since then. It did little to protect him, as a small pocket knife always did, but it brought him a feeling of safety. Like a little charm, because whenever he didn't have it with him  _things_ always happened.

In this situation, he knew he had no option but to depend on this stranger. Sasuke could have died if the blond hadn't came over; and it was either Sasuke was lucky, or either he owed Naruto a life.

Still, he'd not trust him. He trusted nobody and for eternity, none but himself.

Sasuke went inside the room to change Menma's diaper and clean him, then dressed his baby into new clothes. All the while, he did everything gently and in complete silent because the infant was still asleep and his son was a light-sleeper.

Sasuke believed it was his fault that Menma's sleep was so easy to be disturbed. He had plenty of anxiety attacks during pregnancy and Menma was actually born almost half a month premature. He was kept in NICU for nine days before early release since his son was "a pretty healthy premature baby." But still, the raven had been told to supervise his child's smallest behaviors - there could be future chances of mental and physical health problems due to premature birth.  Sasuke was very sad to know that, he had made his son's life imperfect just because he wasn't strong enough. He almost lost him once.

But Sasuke immediately bit his lips to get rid of the thoughts and went out to unlock the door. In a second, he was back into his bedroom and lied down, thinking of other things to make these thoughts go away. They always lowered his mood and with bad mood he couldn't do anything right; he had been through enough to know that for sure.

Sasuke actually wanted to do some houseworks but his whole body ached even when he was lying down. So charcoal eyes closed. They fell into a dreamless pit of comfort.

_____________________________________________

It was almost seven in the evening. The dark road was lit with several lamp posts and there were a few people passing by, bringing in this almost quiet, timid feeling of a silent evening.

Naruto walked down the road with a packet of cigarettes he had just bought in his pocket. He arrived underneath the apartment building, pulling out a cigarette and lightened it while looking upon the building. In the morning, this was a dirty, old building with gray walls and pieces of clothes hanging on the balconies as if the building and the people itself were from decades ago. Seemed to be bored with time. But at night, the walls reflected the reddened sky from air pollution and the balconies unseen. Small rectangular windows lit with white light and occasionally, colored light, laid flashing and plain, with shadows of people living inside doing things like bees in a hive. Something so calm, so irritated with time and comfortable at the same moment.

Naruto could have afforded a better home. Sure, he hated his neighbor and was not particularly keen on the place, but every evening he walked underneath it like this, he remembered the reason he chose this place. It... matched him somehow. The place. Matched his color and set his soul at peace. Every small window flashing like a human's life, and behind every frame was a story untold and unknown, buried deep behind the thin dusty glass and the white simple light. It was the people's feelings that made up this place. The bruised, worn out feelings.

Then he suddenly thought of the raven boy and looked at his window. Seemed like the raven didn't switch the light up, for whatever reason he knew he would not take time to guess. The boy was one of the ones that had a story behind the frame, but it was hanging above his head all the time without his attention. Then suddenly, he cared.

Sasuke Takai, an eighteen-year-old boy who moved into the apartment above six months ago. Nobody cared about him at first, but after two months he became the hot topic of the building for being pregnant without a �partner.

Then several months after, he heard they claimed having several strange men asked about his place, and following that was a rumor about him doing prostitution.

Finally three weeks ago, Sasuke Takai killed a man out of defense as he broke into Sasuke's home at night and tried to kill him with a gun, after beating the teenager violently.

The man must have been a robber or some psychopath, that was what the ladies said. Police didn't release much information and he must have been the only witness, but by the time the event occurred Naruto was dead asleep and the rain was heavy outside.

Still, Sasuke practically won the case. They did not even need Naruto in court and Sasuke was free of everything.

But that did not change the fact that Sasuke killed a man. Rumors spread and reshaped into something else in the neighborhood's mouth and made Sasuke the criminal. Naruto knew Sasuke would never be such one; he knew for sure that police were more professional in investigation than his neighbors, and if Sasuke was set completely free then he was completely innocent.  The only thing that made Sasuke a criminal should be the people around him.

____________________________

The next morning, Naruto suddenly felt the urge to stop by and check how the raven was doing. He brought some medicine and went to the raven's door, knocking on the wooden panel.

The door opened to him for the first time. A tired looking Sasuke peeked behind the least-opened door, then stepped out completely when the raven realized who that was. "Naruto."

"Hi, I'm bringing you some medicine. Have you gotten better yet?"

"Sure, I have. I-" He suddenly turned at the crying sound. "Wait a moment, please."

Sasuke almost ran inside at his son's crying sound, leaving the door open. Naruto just stood there, gripping the medicine in his hand. Maybe he should leave it at the doorstep and walk away, but the tiring look on the teen's face held the blond's feet back. He knew he shouldn't put his nose too deep into other's business, but clearly the raven may need help. After all, he was only a teenager and he was sick, Naruto told himself.

The raven came back after a while, anxiety clearly showed on his face as he carried his son out. "Thank you." He said as he received the medicine from Naruto.

"Is he okay?"

"He has been uneasy since last night and he kept crying. I don't know what's wrong."

"Maybe he was just having his fussy week. You should carry him a l...Whoah!" His voice raised as Sasuke's feet stumbled and the blond managed to catch him before he fell to the floor. The raven's brows knitted in pain as his arms instinctively did their best to keep the infant from falling out. "Sasuke, what's the matter?" Naruto asked.

"Cra... Cramp... Aah!" The teen groaned as pain filled his body again, one arm went down to hug his abdominal while he breathed heavily.

"Let's get inside. Give your son to me, I'll hold him."

"No!" Sasuke hugged the infant tightly to his chest and raised his voice at the thought of someone wanting to touch his child. He then realized what he had done and lowered his tone. "I mean... I'm fine... I can hold him. Thank you."

"Of course, do you want me to walk you inside?" Naruto offered the trembling raven and he nodded hesitantly, letting the blond draped his arm around Sasuke's shoulder and helped him inside. He brought the teen to his sleeping mat and helped him lie down, then dragged the other mat over for the raven to set his child in.

"I'll get you some painkillers." The older went out and downstairs to his apartment. He took the painkiller bottle but it was empty, so blue eyes glazed over the kettle on the kitchen. Naruto heated the water to make coffee minutes before he went upstairs so pretty sure it was still warm enough. The blond hurriedly took the thermos bottle he had to bring coffee to work, and poured some water in. To his expectation, it was hot.

He came back to Sasuke's apartment and handed him the bottle. "Sorry, I've ran out of painkillers. Hold this to your abdominal. It shall help soothing the pain while I go to buy some painkillers."

The raven groaned some more when he was in the midst of thanking him, then nodded weakly as a response. "C... Could you buy me some pads, too?"

"S... Sure." Naruto said and went downstairs, to his apartment for the keys then down and out. The pharmacy wasn't far but he wanted to be quick so the blond drove, slightly feeling nervous about this. He knew a little about these cramps but he had never knew it could be that painful. Maybe there was something different and wrong about Sasuke's cramp.

The blond wondered whether Sasuke should take painkillers instead of seeing a doctor, but seeing the teen's painful expressions and knowing that he couldn't afford any treatment made Naruto put those ideas away.

He came back after a while with a small bag in his hand, full with painkillers and pads he bought for the raven. When Naruto went inside the apartment, the blond got slightly nervous when he saw Sasuke gripped the pillow tightly with a painful expression on his face. He dropped the bag to the floor and rushed to the kitchen for a glass of water, then handed the water and painkillers to the raven.

 A moment after taking it, Sasuke's expression eased and he laid flatly on his mattress, looking at his child. Somehow, the raven had managed to calm the baby down while he was away and now Menma was asleep.

"That looks serious." Naruto said it finally. "I don't think painkillers is enough."

"It's just postpartum pain..." He whispered weakly. "...will go away in days."

"I don't think postpartum pain should last that long." He nervously scraped through the blond locks.

"Mine is just... abnormal."

Then they both went silent as the sun hid away and sunlight dropped behind the old window. The air went cold and the sky was dark, then all of a sudden thunder struck audibly. Drops of water fell to the ground, jumped onto the balcony and into the window of his flat. More and more of them fell until the point that it was raining with cool, thumping sound could be heard from inside the thin walls. Weak, gray light shone upon the teenager's face. His gaze sad and unreadable, staring at the heavy rain outside of his window.

"Do you want to eat something?"

Sasuke turned his head to look at him, lightly shook it. He didn't think about it before, but now to him it seemed wrong. Unsuitable, like a puzzle piece placed in the wrong space. Or maybe he just didn't know.

"I'm fine." He said softly. "Because I appreciate everything you've done, I'm telling you this. Don't... Just don't get involve with a person like me. You shouldn't. "

Azure eyes dazed over the small figure. "Why shouldn't I?"

"You know they whisper."

"Right." Blond head lowered. There was an amused hint in his voice as he spoke with closed eyes. "And why should I care?"

"Your family." He said. "Your family will get in trouble for this."

Azure eyes snapped open, staring widely at Sasuke. "What?"

The golden ring was missing on his finger. Everyone in this building did not know about him more than a single man and Sasuke barely knew him at all. "How could you...?"

"Everything you did." He said, charcoal eyes staring at him. "They told me you knew more than what a single man could ever knew."

Well, he couldn't help it. It was merely nature, some pieces of memories left went alive and pulled the strings on his limbs.

"No." Naruto whispered in a small smile. "No, they don't live here anymore."

"She's living on the other side of the city. At her parent's house. With our son."

There was a moment of awkward silent between them before Naruto switched topic. "So how old is your son, Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't know how could he say sorry to the blond, so he just flowed with him. "Almost two weeks old." He said, gently rustling the infant's crown.

Just like Sasuke, Menma was born with a thin mess of raven hair that possibly inherited from his mother. His eyes, on the other hand, was completely different. Naruto had seen the baby's eyes and he did not pay much attention to it before, but now when he came to think about it, that should be the clearest trait Menma had from his father: green eyes.

"Menma Takai, huh?" The name sounds pretty strange on Naruto's lips. "That's a name, Takai-kun."

"Just Menma." Sasuke corrected him. "And please don't call me by my last name."

"Oh, sorry." The blond quickly apologized. "Have your pain eased yet?"

"It's still a little sore but I'm fine by now." Sasuke tried to sat up but failed. He helplessly looked at the low table on the other side of the room. "Could you take the book over there for me?"

Naruto sat up to take the book and handed it to Sasuke. He opened it, took out the thin stack of low-value bills he put in his book and handed it to Naruto. "I'm sorry but this is all I have right now. I will give more back to you right when I have the money."

"No, you don't have to pay anything back." Naruto pushed the pale hands away. "I'm just helping you out. Neighbors with neighbors."

"Please... Just take it." He tried to shove the money into Naruto's lap but the blond grabbed his money and put it onto the table.

"No. I'm not doing this so you'll owe me." He hardened his voice. "Please stop trying to pay me back."

"I..." Sasuke's voice slowly faded into the air. Even if he had pay back, these the last bills he had in his pocket. His head went low when he said quietly. "Thank you."

Menma stirred, hands covered in tiny mittens wiggled slightly. Dark green eyes fluttered open then closed as his brows knitted together in displeasure. Small sobs made Sasuke worry and sat up but a loud groan escaped from his mouth as he fell back down. Naruto knew the raven did not feel safe having him carried his son, so he went behind Sasuke and helped the boy get up and leaned on his chest for support. Sasuke, though surprised and a bit resisted, simply let him do that because he had no other choice. He picked the infant up and softly rocking him in his arm, soothingly whispered. "There, there... Mommy is here."

The infant cried less and fell back to sleep after a while. The raven signed, gently put the baby back in his blanket and pulled his body from Naruto's chest to lie down again.

Naruto could feel how skinny Sasuke was when his body contacted his. He clearly felt the raven's shoulder and back bones pressed into his chest over his shirt, his postpartum belly was just at the five-month-size. Even his child did not look not as big as other babies, he was small and Naruto wondered if that'd affect the infant's growth in the future.

"How old are you, Sasuke?" Naruto found himself blurted out these words before he could stop it. "No, I mean..."

"Eighteen." He said blankly. "I'm not ashamed of that, you don't have to be sorry."

"I..." He was confused. "Giving birth must have been hard, right?"

The blond tried to switch topic, but he ended up making it even worse.

"Hardest thing in the world." Sasuke's lips curved up slightly, his voice went soft as he looked at his child. "It was worth it, though."

"Did the doctor tell you what went wrong? Perhaps... Any postpartum traces?"

"It was just a premature birth. I'll be fine." His voice affirmed everything into its place

Naruto gazed the rain absentmindedly. The water was slamming into the window, just like that day in his flat when Hinata confessed to him, eyes swollen with tears.

_"Naruto... I'm... I'm pregnant."_

"I think I'll make us some food." Naruto snapped himself out of his thoughts and stood up, headed to the kitchen. "You should take a nap, Sasuke. You look really tired."

"Thank you but I'm not. Besides, I can't really sleep right now." Naruto responded with a nod and went out.

Naruto made some soup for both of them and they ate together. Neither of them had something to talk about, except stupid questions about the weather and the road, so most of the time they ate in silent. Naruto cleaned up everything afterwards and washed the dishes. It was nearly five in the afternoon so the blond figured he should dump the garbage anyway.

He pulled the little garbage bags in the corner out and started grouping them, recyclable and non-recyclable. There was a little pile of papers in one bag, consisted mostly of leaflets and advertising magazines, and Naruto wanted to group it with the plastic bottle bag. When he took the pile out, some pieces fell off and slipped onto the floor. Groaning, the blond bent down to gather them, but before his hand touched one particular piece of paper, the handwriting on it caught his eyes.

_Sasuke, my sweetheart._

_I love you dearly. I cannot live without you. Not like this._

_Please come back to me. I promise I'll find a way for us. We could begin again, with our child, as a family._

The rest of the page was ripped off. While the blond was in the middle of putting the page back into the pile, a silky, low voice caught his attention.

"Sweet, right?" Sasuke asked bitterly. Naruto turned around to see the raven stood there, leaning on the wall.

"Sasuke..." He said, reached out his hand to give the raven the letter.

Sasuke came forward and took the paper from him. He held it angrily, making the paper crumbled under his fingers. "You believe them." He mumbled to himself he ripped it into pieces. "Until you see what they truly are."

He threw the pieces into the garbage bag and carried them to the door. Although the blond didn't want him to move when he hadn't got better yet, he did nothing to stop the raven. He didn't want Naruto to see things he was hiding.

Sasuke came back and washed his hands, but the blond could see those pale hands trembling. His dark eyes full of unreadable thoughts.

He thought the raven might need space, so he decided to leave.

"Rest well, Sasuke." Naruto said before he went out of the door.

 


	2. The Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm so sorry that I couldn't post the new chapter last week like I've promised. There've been some changes to my schedule lately.  
> Warning: This chapter contains HEAVY INSULTING WORDS, THREATS, PAST TRAUMA, INJURY AND HURTING, MURDER ATTEMPT & MORE. Please beware when you're reading. Thank you!!

The busy days later made him stop worrying about Sasuke. He was overwhelmed with the massive amount of work assigned for this week that whenever the blond came home, his mind had already been filled with the need to sleep. He checked up on the raven a few times but they were so quick all he had was his voice speaking from inside, telling him the raven was fine before Naruto came back to his apartment with his eyes barely opened.

The groceries he bought for Sasuke could last at least two. At least the raven was able to cook, right?

But at six in the Friday's evening, the answer to his question was no. What was he thinking; Sasuke could barely get up on his own, let alone cooking. And with that, Naruto rushed upstairs.

The familiar door opened, revealed a familiar teen holding a familiar infant. "What's the matter, Naruto?"

"I..." He mumbled, scolded himself for coming here without thinking thoroughly. "I just want to see if you are okay."

"Sure, I'm doing well. Thank you." Silky voice said while he gently rocked his child. The blond doubted him. Sasuke always told him that whenever he asked if he was okay.

"Glad to hear that."Just when Naruto was about to leave, Sasuke opened the door wider and gestured inside. "Have you had dinner yet? Come in, we're having one."

It was okay if he wanted to confirm his doubt, right? Besides, he hadn't had dinner yet.

"S... Sure." He answered, followed Sasuke inside.

The raven led him to a round, low table in the living room which he had never seen in this house. The legs looked foldable so he guessed Sasuke must had put it away before. Nevertheless, Naruto had only seen him eating in his bedroom.

Sasuke put the food into bowls and plates and served it onto the table. The food looked simple with little ingredients, but its smell had the blond secretly drooling.

"Itadakimasu." They said and took their first bite. Naruto blinked when the food dissolved in his mouth because Sasuke was really, really good at cooking. and ate some more. Sasuke held Menma in one arm with practical ease, and carefully ate his food with the other.

"Why don't you put him down?" Naruto asked. The raven shook his head and looked at the infant. "He'll get really fussy if I don't hold him."

The blond nodded. He looked at Sasuke, then gazed the table in front of him. It'd been so long since he had eaten with anyone. The smell of food, or only the presence of Sasuke and his child was enough to warm his chest up and that made Naruto smiled.

The raven saw that. "Do you want some more?" He asked, about to stand up to take more food for Naruto but the blood refused. "No, I'm okay."

"Did you have any more cramps, Sasuke?" The raven shook his head.

"I hadn't." He answered quickly. "How was your week?"

"Tired." Naruto sighed. "I hate this job."

"What is your job?" Sasuke asked, then grabbed the last piece of his food.

"I'm an accountant." He said. "Well, not really. They hired me as an accountant but I was doing all the works. Accounting, listing... Sometimes making coffee if there's a company's partner coming by."

"You must be really good at math." Dark eyes looked at him almost amusingly.

"I'm suck at it." The blond shrugged. "But my calculator is smart. That's all you need."

Sasuke chuckled and that was the first time Naruto saw him smile. He looked nice smiling.

"How had your mini version been? He was still in his fussy period, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is." Sasuke smiled at the infant in his arms and green eyes blinked. "Hey, I'm just telling him the truth."

"He'll soon grow out of it." The blond said. "Then it'll be the period where he rolls and crawls all over the house."

"I'd love to see him do that." The raven chuckled and gathered the dishes with one hand, but Naruto stopped him. "Let me do it."

"No, you have washed the dishes before. I can do it now." Sasuke said and continued with the dishes but the blond looked at Menma. "Let me wash the dishes while you feed Menma. He's hungry."

"His meal time is in the next thirty minutes." The raven looked at the clock. "And how could you know he's hungry? He's not crying."

"It's my sixth sense." Naruto smirked. "I always know when a baby is hungry."

"Okay..." Sasuke looked at him unbelievingly, but he still brought the dishes to the sink and grabbed the small blanket on the chair. While Naruto was washing, he covered himself and Menma with the blanket to keep both of them warm and lifted his shirt. Unlike his expectation, the infant refused the nipple placed at his mouth and turned his head away. "Naruto..."

He heard Naruto laughed uncontrollably behind his back. "Oops. Maybe my sixth sense is taking its day off."

"I'm sure your wife didn't let you feed your child." He knew Sasuke was joking but deep inside the blond's laugh slowly died off. What left was only plain laugh without amusement so Sasuke would not take it to himself.

"Yes, she did." He said between giggles. "Boruto's daddy fed him all the time." It was more like Naruto mumbled to himself rather than telling Sasuke.

"So your son's name is Boruto." The raven said, slightly rocking his child. "And you're Naruto. That's almost identical."

It was. He named his son like that in hope of Hinata would love him as much as she loved Naruto. It wasn't like she didn't like the child or anything. It was the blond having these unjustified scares. After all, he'd thought that Boruto could only trust him. "Yes, yes it is.

"To be honest, having similar name with your parents is weird." Sasuke said.

"Sure. You're Sasuke and your son is Menma. That's bamboo shoot. Very unrelated." Naruto chuckled slightly at that.

The raven was silent for a moment. "...When I was pregnant with him, Menma was his nickname because I ate it a lot and he kicked whenever I said it out loud." Sasuke was working at a ramen stall at the while and the owner often gave him the nearly expired Menma to take home. "After he was born, a nurse helped me fill out the birth certificate because I just couldn't. I was too dizzy from the labor and the medications so when she asked what his name was, Menma slipped out as a habit."

It wasn't like he had came up with an actual name, either.

"Why didn't you change it?"

"I didn't have time for that... And Menma is not a bad name. I like it. Even your name was on ramen, too."

"Aww." Naruto said while he put the last dish on the rack. "Why didn't you name him Naruto then? Naruto was much better aand we could have had identical names!"

"...Idiot." Sasuke chuckled in time with Naruto's laugh. The raven then looked at the clock and saw that it was time to feed Menma.

When Naruto turned around, he saw the raven feeding his child and quickly turned away. The blond heard silky voice spoke to him in a questioning tone, "I don't think there's anything embarrassed about this."

"I know." The blond spoke quietly. "I just don't know if you're comfortable with... me.... err..."

"You can look, if you want. I'm totally okay with everything." Sasuke said calmingly. "And it's not like you have never seen breastfeeding before."

"Not for too long. Her father insisted on formula after." Up until now, Naruto had no idea why Hizashi made them do that. "We were worried about his health and tried breastfeeding after, but Boruto refused the milk. He liked the formula better, I guess."

Sasuke's lips curved up to himself at that. It wasn't like he could afford formula, so he glad Menma liked his milk. And with him hadn't been able to eat solid food yet was a relief fact added to his list. At least he could produce food for his child without worrying about the fridge, because there were days he could hardly feed himself.

When Menma finished, he cleaned the infant's mouth with a small towel and held him semi-upright, gently patting his back until a small burp could be heard. Sasuke proceeded to clean his child and when he was done, small eyelids fell down and Menma was deeply asleep.

The raven leaned down to softly kiss the infant's forehead, and walked to the bedroom to put him in his mat and blanket.

Naruto approached to gave him a cup of warm water. He switched most of the light off except the one in the kitchen and sat in front of Sasuke, outside the bedroom with a cup in his hands.

"How old are you, Naruto?" Sasuke asked all of a sudden"

"Twenty eight." The blond said, sipping his drink.

"When..." Sasuke hesitated. "When did you become a parent?"

"Near the end of my college graduation." His voice calm and low. The blond saw Sasuke's brows knitted as if he was wondering. "Yes, it was an accident."

"I'm sorry." Sasuke had been curious about parenthood, not Naruto's past and he didn't expect that.

"No, it's okay." The blond felt like telling Sasuke would drop somewhat weight off his heart, and the words came out of his mouth as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "Hinata and I... We were at this college party and we were drunk." _Naruto did not remember even a second of that night at his flat. He woke up with the world spinning around and, with a girl he barely knew._ "We weren't dating, so we left as if nothing'd happened."

"Then somewhat months later, Hinata came over. Telling me she was pregnant with my child. We both wanted to keep the baby so her father insisted on marriage."  _With all that urging and demands, it felt as if it was Hizashi who got married, not his daughter._

"We did not went well with each other after that."

_The marriage was exquisite and glorious, such as their life together. Sparkling as glitters and hollow as a pretty flower pot without seeds. Happiness did not bloom between them._

When Naruto turned back, the blond was surprised to see tears streaming down the raven's face. "Sasuke, are you okay?"

The raven nodded but tried to still his sob. "Did I say something wrong?" Naruto asked.

"No." His voice was shaking. "It was just me... It..."

"Why  _didn't_ I want my child?" He broke down and Naruto lightly put a hand on his shoulder. "Why would I ever... ever let people snatch him away?! I'd never want that! I'd never..." He sobbed. "He doesn't deserve a mother like me..."

"Calm down, Sasuke. It's okay now." He hesitantly patted the raven's shoulder. "You're too young so you know you can't take care of him... That's why you were so afraid of him, it's only nature. But look, you haven chosen to take care of him. He's here with you now because you love him. That makes you a good mother."

_Sasuke cried and screamed as he tried to shield his belly. "Please! I beg you! Please don't hurt it!"_

_"Please..."_

"No, Naruto. You don't understand" He said. "I..."

Then he snapped out. What was he doing? Crying to a stranger? What made he cry?

Why did he even cry?

"I'm sorry... I don't know what had gotten into me." He wiped the tears with his forehand and told him.

He calmed down after a while and Naruto realized it was almost nine, so he thought he should leave the raven. "It's late. I think it's time I gotta go."

"Oh, right." Sasuke said. "But Naruto, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" The blond stood up from his place.

"Can I borrow your newspaper?"

"Of course. Can I bring it over tomorrow?" Although Naruto didn't have any newspaper because he wasn't use to reading them, he thought he would drop by the store to get the raven some.

The raven nodded and walked Naruto to the door, watching the tall figure until it disappeared from the hallway. When the door closed behind his back, he sunk to the floor, breathing heavily as he lifted his shaky hands up and looked at it.

There was blood all over. The imaginary blood that he could still smell its metallic scent, made his guts tightened and feel like throwing up. His thighs shaking heavily, trembling as the rest of his body. Dark eyes gazed to the balcony outside the glass door.

The body was there. The body, pale and bleeding, was there.

"He's dead, remember?" He whispered to himself. "He's dead and no longer harming."

No matter how much he loved him, he killed him with these hands. Sasuke broke down into tears, curled up and hugged his abdomen as he shakily whispered.

"I killed him. I killed everyone."

____________________________________

When Naruto went out for groceries the next morning, he dropped by the convenience store for some newspaper for Sasuke.

"Thank you." He handed the seller some bills before walking back home.

With the two heavy bags he carried, the blond had to fiddle around in order to open the door. He carefully walked inside, dropping the bags onto the kitchen counter and sighed from relief.

Naruto put the groceries away, leaving a quarter to bring up to Sasuke later. He glanced through the newspapers he had just bought and, somehow felt curious to look through them for once.

He had a feeling the raven needed newspapers to find recruitment ads, because that was the only thing he did with newspapers back then and he was sure Sasuke was unemployed. Naruto'd chosen the ones with most recruitment ads so there wasn't much to see, only stupid gossip stories and advertisements.

When Naruto was about to give up and flipped through the third newspaper, he found a small column with a familiar line. _MAN FOUND DEAD ON BALCONY._

He flipped to the page that had the article. It didn't state the address but "the apartment" where they found the body and the witness's initial, "Mr.U.", made him recognized immediately. Well, the police had talked to him in front of the door before they borrowed his balcony to climb upstairs because the front door was locked and could not be broken, so the neighbors gathered there must had heard everything. Definitely somebody around here gave up the information, or worse, wrote this article because they knew both him and Sasuke. He flipped to the front page and saw the newsroom's address. It was from around here.

According to the article, when the police went up the balcony, they found Sasuke unconsciously lying on the floor with his head injured. Naruto didn't know this because dead bodies and criminal things caused him uneasy feelings. After he let the police use his balcony, he just went inside and put on headphones to watch some stupid comedy movies, tried to distract himself from what was going on above the ceiling.

The front door was locked with plenty of furnitures, and that was weird because he remembered the raven's home as lack of furnitures. The lady lived next door to Sasuke heard something like a gunshot that night, which she'd thought as thunder at first.

The article ended with everything being investigated by the police. Naruto didn't need to know more. He took the pages that had the article and the title off, crumpled them into a ball and threw in the trash can. Then he checked the other newspapers to see if they wrote about the incident, and gathered all to bring up to Sasuke.

______________________________________

Sasuke's mood was a little down, but otherwise he seemed pretty fine. As usual, he never let Menma off his arms so Naruto offered to put the groceries away for him. It felt good somehow to see the raven shyly thanked him.

"You should look through the newspaper. I don't know if I've got the right ones." He said while bent down to put the vegetables in the fridge's lower compartment.

Charcoal eyes scanned through the recruitment section in the newspaper, absentmindedly biting his lips in nervousness and confusion. It was urgent for him to have a job and earn some money, but with his son being a few weeks old, still needing his mother by his side all the time and had nobody to babysit him, then going to work wasn't something Sasuke was capable of. But if he did not going to work, the answer was clear and he'd not had survived those weeks if this kind man wasn't here, helping him and giving free food. Sasuke was extremely embarrassed to be helped out so much and even if he didn't, the man could not help him forever. The raven was trapped in this situation and he felt so stressed out. He thought he would find the job first and... somehow find a way for his son.

The raven found the first suiting recruitment ad and decided to contact the employer, but his phone had broken and so was his laptop. He didn't realize Naruto had finished with the groceries and was staring at him, he almost jump when he heard the blond's voice.

"Do you... um... need a phone for that?"

Sasuke hesitantly nodded and the blond fished out his phone from his pocket, handed it to him. The screen was already unlocked and had a plain, black background without any picture. Sasuke went to the calling section and typed in the employer's number. He pressed the phone to his ears and waited, the person on the other side answered a moment later, asking what he needed.

"I saw your recruitment ad on the newspaper. I wonder if you're still looking for someone?"

_"Sure, we are! My boss is currently not here so can I take your full name and number?"_

"Of course! I'm Sasuke Uchiha, the number is..." Right when he was about to ask Naruto the number, the person on the other side ended the call. "What?!"

The look on Sasuke's face wasn't angry. It was simply helpless as if he was used to it. The blond came up and took a seat in front of the raven, held up the newspaper and pointed to another ad. "I think you should try this one."

They dialed the number but nobody answered. "It's okay, we got plenty of time."

Sasuke started to circle the fitted ads while Naruto called them one by one. Some of them told him they'd contact back when it was likely that they wouldn't. Some shut off and some didn't answer the phone. After twelve calls, Sasuke started to get tired and thought he should let Naruto go but the blond spoke first. "Maybe we should try somewhere further. Could you like... taking the bus?"

When he nodded, the blond flipped to another page. "How about this?"

It was an ad from a traditional restaurant. They were looking for a part time waiter in evening shifts.  Naruto dialed the numbers and they both nervously waited.

 _"Hello?"_ The female voice on the other side answered, made Naruto hurriedly give the phone to Sasuke. "Hi! I saw your recruitment ad on Konoha Weekly. Are you still looking for a waiter?"

 _"Er... Sorry but we've already found someone..."_  But she left the phone and seemed to be talking to someone. _"Actually, he's only a seasonal waiter so can you work next month?"_

"Y... Of course I can." He answered.

_"Alright. We will call you back when it's time, I've got your number already."_

"Thanks..."

"Have a good day, Sasuke!" She told him and hanged up the phone.

There was a moment of silence between him before Naruto said, "That girl seems weird, to be honest."

"She does." She definitely hadn't known who he was yet. He was pretty sure once she started his history research for the hiring process, she would stop contact him immediately.

"You would." The blond claimed. "By the way, let's call some more... What the heck?" He groaned when the low-battery notice showed up. "Only 5% left?"

"I think that's enough for today, anyway." Said Sasuke. "You should charge your phone."

He placed his pinky in Menma's hand and smiled as the infant tried to grab his finger through the mitten. Green eyes blinked at his mother's smile.

"Just for you to know." Naruto smiled. "He does recognize you."

"I know." The raven lovingly stroked his child's small hand. "He also grasps everything that's put in his hands."

"Right now he could not look like what you've imagined a baby would. But trust me, he'll become irresistible few weeks from now with that grasping and big sparkling eyes he'll eventually grow into."

Sasuke held the baby to his chest, then suddenly he remembered something. "Don't you need to charge your phone?" He asked Naruto.

"Oh, right. See you then..." He said, �watching the blond's slight waving. 

___________________________________________________

Sasuke sat in the empty bathtub with his knees to his chest, looking up at the ceiling. He had been doing it for a while.

Menma was asleep so he had a little time washing himself, but he had done with washing. He just sat there, staring and did not realize he was doing it.

Then, his gaze ventured down to his postpartum belly, pale hand reached up to touch it. The bump had shrunk to his six-month size with stretch marks all over his abdomen, making Sasuke recalled what his doctor had told him when he first seeing them.

Never in his life the raven had known about stretch marks until he got them himself, and that made him freak out. The doctor told him he was so underweight that the sudden expanse of skin and weight gave him more stretch marks than usual. He recalled when a nurse saw his naked upper body, she'd had laughed at him and told Sasuke his marks were the weirdest she had ever seen in her whole career. The lady was taken care of after that.

He recalled feeling anxious when his child moved inside him, recalling the nights when he woke up hugging his belly tight, sweating from the nightmares of people taking his son away.  These stretch marks were more than battle scars to him, carved more agonizing events than the actual scars littered his skin.

_'You look so fucking ugly like that.' He said, throwing the empty beer can to the wall next to Sasuke's head. The aluminum container fell into his naked lap, droplets of blood from the newly formed injury covered the beer brand. 'Like a butchered swine.'_

___________________________________________

Sasuke stepped out of the bathroom and headed straight to his bedroom. His body was sore, all he wanted was to lie down and fall into a deep sleep.

He pulled the cover out and laid on the mat. Sasuke felt cold, not physically, so he snuggled close to Menma. Close but leaving a space so he'd not hurt the small infant.

The raven softly kissed his cheek, then pulled out to gaze at the sleeping face. The warmness radiating from Menma, probably from his affection, warmed Sasuke's chest.

His mind wandered back to the job offer, to the creepy man. Charcoal eyes looked at the small risings of the his son's chest, the peacefully closed eyes that were seeing dreams.

Of everything he'd do to keep his son safe.

Long lashes touched pale skin. Sasuke fell into his own dream.

 

_Somehow, he knew he was the fourteen-year-old who still had to go to school as a freshman tomorrow._

_Sasuke was lying on the couch, watching some stupid show without his mind really focused. He could heard the loud shouting voice coming from the kitchen and the angry crashing sounds of broken plates and glasses. He wanted to go upstairs but something stopped him from doing so, and was about to switch the channel before a hand was placed on his hip which he was so used to. "Hey there."_

_Sasuke turned over at him. The man's face was blurred. "What's the matter?"_

_"Could you buy me some beers?"_

_"I can't. I'm not old enough." He said. "And why beers all of the sudden?" It was the second time in the week that he'd seen him drinking that much._

_"I'm just not feeling very well. And go to that store I took you to last Tuesday. They don't care about ID."_

_That store... It was just... Wasn't in a very friendly area. "Okay... How many do you want?"_

_"Five... No, make it eight." Eight!?_

_He pulled Sasuke up at his widened expression, into his arms and kissed his cheeks. "I've just have a bad day, dear. I need it."_

_"I'll go and buy them for you." He said reluctantly. The man's hold on his body tightened, his hands wandered to the places that made Sasuke uncomfortable. "Thank you, babe. You're the best."_

_The hold tightened and tightened, his surroundings slowly went darker. Suddenly, Sasuke was pressed hard against the couch, rough hands moved to his neck and choked him. He thrashed, he clawed. He cried, he screamed. But the blurred messes of hands and eyes stared into him, gripping and chaining his body to this place. "S... Stop..." He hoarsely tried to voice out the words, tears sprung freely from his eyes out of utter frightening. "Shut up you fucking pig." The man said and choked him even harder. He screamed out for help. He tried to scream out for help. Somebody please help him. Somebody..._

Sasuke's eyes snapped open. He panted harshly, sobbing as he touched his neck and still half-thrashing. Cries of baby immediately pulled him out of illusions.

The raven turned to his son, pale arms hurriedly reached out for him and held him to his chest. He tried to hush the baby but mostly, tried to use the warmness of the infant to calm himself down. Sasuke lifted his shirt to feed him his midnight meal, and using the free arm to wipe up his tears. The raven had woken up crying from a nightmare again and he hated it every time like that.

The pain vibrated in his abdomen again. It increased every time he fed his child, but Sasuke tried to endure it. He did not have anyway around when child needed to be fed.

Sasuke reached out for the pill bottles. He burped Menma, then cleaned and changed the infant's diaper. His mini self seemed to have fallen asleep again so the raven put him back to his mattress.

Today's night was another long night. 


	3. The Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit there isn't many things I can put into this chapter without revealing the plot so... I apologize for having this chapter shorter than it should be. :( 
> 
> Warning: Self-harming, masturbation, prostitution and violence. Contains graphic description. PLEASE BE AWARE BEFORE YOU READ.

The raven was chopping a cabbage but his eyes couldn't stop blinking. All sorts of thoughts was running through his mind while he made lunch.

His bleeding was supposed to stop last week, but it didn't. He still needed pads and stuffs.

And the medicines...

The medicine for his postpartum problem. He had ran out of them and need a refill. But hell, they were fucking expensive and his insurance wasn't in the mood to cover them. Now he was unhealthily and literally hooking on painkillers to temporary ease his pain.

His doctor would definitely  _not_ going to be happy about this.

It was white. It was empty.

It's not like he can have an appointment with him now.

 _Cold and empty. He stared without realizing what he was doing._ Not like he would have to make something up.

_"Have your bleeding got better, Sasuke?" He raised his glasses and clicked his pen._

"A little, but the pain is still there." The raven frowned, his hand uncomfortably clasped together in his lap. "Is it... Is it dangerous? To the children?"

_"I believe we still have to wait before any conclusions can be made." The man exhaled and moved his computer mouse around. "All we can do right now is to trust in the medicines. I hope you don't get me wrong... But the situation has gotten... quite unpredicted."_

What he mean, is that the situation had got very bad. Sasuke's shoulders were trembling vigorously. Pale hands shakily rubbed his belly. Rubbing. Rubbing. Rubbing.

Please be okay, he begged. But the crimson drop of liquid fell to the ground and the operation's light was up.

Sasuke turned off the stove and leaned into the nearby wall. He looked at his child, sighing heavily.

Will he be able to make through this? Or would he have to,  _he touched between his legs,_  do it again. Living that life bruised and torn that he'd had enough.

The raven looked at himself in the mirror once. He was so ugly and pitiful, like a bundle of rags and flesh that only sticked together because of Nature's law. He hated how it reminded him of the damages they had caused and how he'd never be normal again. Stirred up his memories and engulfed him in hatred, made him want to get his revenge and justice again.

But Menma, for Menma, he'd stay immobile and silent. Sustained and haunted if that was the cost of safety for him and his child. However, sometimes when he thought about it, Menma hurt him too. Unintentionally, Menma hurt him physically and psychologically. Sasuke did not have any opinion about that, he just simply thought and scolded himself for having such selfish thoughts.

Still, when he was too tired the thoughts rose up like a lion snatching a weak deer, that Sasuke couldn't stop himself from thinking and there was no one to pull him out.

______________________________________________

 

Naruto literally slammed on his keyboard. It would not type out a single letter no matter how hard he pressed and the blond had a ton of work waiting to be dealt with. If he did not finish this portion of work today, they'd stack on tomorrow's portion and double his work.

He sighed heavily and leaned down to unplug the keyboard from the hard drive. The blond took a sip of coffee and rubbed a hand over his face.

"You okay?" Asked the brunet from the opposite side of the table.

"Yeah, just the shitty keyboard again. I'm returning it to the storage and you know what? If the keeper try to tell me it's fine again... I'm punching him."

"You know they'd fire your ass once you do that." The brunet laughed and typed in his computer. "Trust me when I say they'll exchange you a new one this time."

"And that moment, Kiba, was when we're about to get home." Naruto said as he rolled the wire around the keyboard. "These guys  _love_ to cheat on my hours."

"Well then relax. Enjoy your cup of coffee and their effort cut off your pay as hours of freedom. Or maybe you need it. You look really stressed out, man."

"Maybe I do..." The blond sighed and looked at the picture frame on his table, it was the innocent, toothless smile of a blond infant. It'd been a long time since his son was an infant but this picture always cheered him up when he's stressed out. The mean of his life, his little sunshine that Naruto just wanted to keep for himself.

_He longed to meet his son again._

Snapping out of thoughts, Naruto stood up and brought the keyboard to the storage. He did not have a good relationship with the storage keeper and so in the opposite, so the blond hated it whenever he has to come here.

"Completely broke now, Mr. Uzumaki?" Asked Karui. "I see you've made an effort."

Naruto tried to keep his polite smile up but internally he just wanted to snort at the woman. "Please give me a new one. It's not working anymore."

"Of course, Mr. Uzumaki. Please wait for a moment while I check this keyboard's code."

There, she was at the delay again.

On the side of her table, Naruto could see the picture of her husband, Chouji. That made him sighed and regret that he had let Kiba slipped his mouth off, Otherwise, the relationship with Karui would have been better.

Kiba told him about her husband before. Chouji was a kind and talented chef who owned a family restaurant not too far from this company. The man was a good guy and a loving husband. The couple'd always been in love so much with each other and the small family they had with their daughter Chouchou.

But happiness didn't last long. One day, a mad psycho came in the restaurant and tried to kill everyone in there. Chouji called the police when he was hiding in the kitchen. But it took them so fucking long that when they arrived, everyone was dead. Including Karui's husband.

Kiba accidentally told her he was a former police. Maybe that's why she was so bitter. Maybe that's why he was never angry at her for what she did, because he felt like a part of it was his fault, too, although he had already resigned from the police force at that time.

Karui finished checking the keyboard out. She handed it to him with a glare.

"Hope you'll be responsible with this keyboard, Mr. Uzumaki."

______________________________________

It was late in the afternoon when Naruto got home. He had miraculously finish that stack of work and could feel relief until tomorrow.

The meeting with Karui made him feel sad somehow so Naruto couldn't go to bed early like everyday. Instead he went out the balcony, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

The blond looked at the sky. Tonight was dark without a speck of star, the cool wind flushed into his face and blew the smoke away. All of a sudden, he thought about the time he was a police.

The father he had always looked up to was a police, maybe that's why he became a police too. Because people remembered him as his dad's son, because he wanted them to recognize him once he surpassed his father.

But that could never happen. His father's name in the police force was remembered as a hero. His name in the police force was remembered as an alcoholic who often got into trouble with their boss.

That career suited him like nothing else could. But it was too heavy, too sharp to let him do a father's duty and torn him off his conscience. The shadow of a heroic father was too great on his back, but his duty to reserve happiness cut his flesh out his bones.

Without his father, he was nothing more than a crumpled paper with the word "Uzumaki Naruto." Nothing. Nothing.

He was only a mere shadow. Nothing more than a mere shadow.

________________________________________

 

It'd been a month since Naruto and Sasuke'd met. Time flew fast and before the raven realized, his infant was more than a month old.

Menma had lost his newborn appearance and started to develop his own features. The more he grew, the more he looked like Sasuke and nothing could make the raven happier than that. His son had grown so much. Despite his night cries did not get any less, he could now lie on his tummy and responded to his voice whenever he talked to him.

For Naruto, the blond was still like the first weeks they met. He came over every weekends to put food in his fridge and talked with him. Sometimes they had dinner, sometimes they searched the newspapers for recruitments. The raven had never said it out loud, but he was very, very thankful to have Naruto helping him like this. He hadn't got out of the building in the last month and still broke. Without Naruto, he'd have been in a miserable state right now.

But it was Sasuke's nature not to trust anyone. He couldn't change it because that was what had protected him in his whole life. He was grateful, but he could never admit Naruto was a good man and sometimes he felt bad about it.

His bleeding stopped and his cramps had eased but Sasuke had a feeling it wasn't done yet. He still needed a checkup, and Menma will need to be vaccinated in a few weeks more.

Compare to last month, somehow he'd gotten better. He was looking up on filing subsidize forms and hoping the government would grant him. His bills would be payoff in another two weeks and Sasuke'd be free from debts. The last problem he had should be an employment problem. Menma was too young for him to entrust to anyone. In fact, Sasuke didn't even know what age would he ever entrust his son to some stranger. But without someone to look after Menma, he would not be able to work.

"I agree with you on that." Said Naruto.

Today was another weekend night Naruto came by to give him some fruits he just got. The blond saw him looking through the newspaper so he asked, and the raven told him his problem.

"How did you manage to take care of your child when he was young?" Asked the raven.

"Well, his mother's family took care of him."

"You were so lucky." Sasuke said, hugging Menma to his chest.

"Not really. They tried to take over him and didn't give him back when I asked, though." He gave him and awkward smile. "But hey, how is that little one been doing?"

The raven smiled at green eyes averted its gaze to the blond's voice. "He now knows when you're talking to him. He could even lie on his tummy but I won't let him do that."

Naruto thought he should tell Sasuke just let the infant do that, but he knew it wouldn't do good trying to tell protective parents like the raven that thing. The raven never let Menma leave his arms whenever Naruto was in presence and the blond totally understand that. He was fearing everything and extremely protective of his son.

The blond noticed the baby had lost the redness and newborn-like of his appearance and started to look like his mother. And his green eyes were getting lighter, greener, like leaves in the spring.  "He looks very much like you."

"He does." Sasuke said, rocking the baby gently but didn't smile. There was a thoughtful tint in his voice.

 _"How about that slut next door?"_ A young male voice said loudly from the other side of the wall.  _"Haven't seen him out for weeks. Bet he's there fucking and hooking on drugs."_

 _"But he has a kid, remember? Can't do that if he's a mother."_ Another voice said, harder to hear this time.

_"Oh, come on! He's a fucking slut, for God's sake! You think he cares about that baby? Who knows how many kids he'd gotten rid of from all that three-cent fuckings. He's eighteen years old! Young sluts don't care for their kids. Bet he'll let his kid smoke with him and grow up into society's garbage, just like him."_

They were silent as another wave of laughs roamed through the wall. Sasuke's face was down, his bangs covered eyes.

"Sasuke..." The blond whispered, meant for comforting but Sasuke cut him off.

"No, he isn't. If that's what you think." The raven said blankly.

"I didn't mean anything, I just..."

"You wanna know the story? Fine. I was young. I was dumb. I fucked my boyfriend unprotected and got pregnant. Is that what you expect?" He said incredibly calmly.

"No! I..." Naruto stopped and exhaled heavily. "I don't mean anything... Trust me. Please just calm down."

"Sorry." Sasuke said, sounded a bit regret and a bit doubting. "I didn't mean to do that either... It's just... It's..."  _Habitual_.

"It's okay, Sasuke." The blond understood that that was only the raven's way of reaction to these types of situation. This was not the first time he had seen people doing this and he had even seen worse.

_______________________________________________

 

The rest of the day went on with awkward talking and stupid stories. Naruto ended up leaving earlier than usual and Sasuke only waved goodbye to him, but not taking him to the doorway.

When the door was closed, he turned almost all of the light in his house off except for the one Menma was lying in.

He went in, sat by his child's side and picked him up. Sasuke fed him warm milk from his chest and proceeded to rock him till he fell asleep. He did not smile like usual, did not whisper loving words to the baby. The raven just rocked him till he fell asleep and put him in his mattress and blanket. Not even forehead kissing.

He shut the last light off and proceeded to the bathroom, holding the shampoo bottle in his hand. Sasuke stripped and hung his clothes on the rack. He looked at himself in the mirror and his tired face.

The raven went over and climbed in the empty tub. The white, acrylic surface felt cold on his back as he laid down. The teen exhaled heavily, dark orbs stared at the ceiling as he rethought about his decision.  'Okay', he thought and settled himself in.

Still staring at the ceiling, he spread his legs and hook them over the tub side. He could felt with the widened movement of his legs, the folds of his vagina parted and spread out, wide open and humiliated.

Sasuke touched his abdomen in hesitance, then, a pale hand moved down between his legs. It was dead dry like every time. The raven touched himself until he released enough lubricant, his eyes all the while stared at the ceiling. He couldn't stand seeing himself nor such humiliating scene down there.

The raven felt that place was wet enough. Biting his lips, he inserted the finger in himself in one single thrust. His lips trembled, his breathing raged but he kept moving the finger. Dark eyes were turning red.

The water drops. The light blinking. Two fingers was inside him, thrusting and scissoring as he stared widened at the light. His whole body trembled in a biological reaction as he hit the sensitive spot. His body felt good but he did not. He hated it.

Sasuke's fingers slipped out of himself. He was so wet, wet to the point he was drowning in a deep dark sea. Unbreathable. The raven heard the devil's laugh as he grabbed the thin, empty and cleaned shampoo bottle. His whole body shook in fear as he placed the bottle's head at his entry.

 _You owns nothing. Not even yourself._ That's what that man told him and that's what made him do this. He took control of his unwilling body to know that he owned himself, knowing he had exactly obligated himself to that man's humiliating words.

But he wasn't ready for his own punishment yet. Tears streamed down Sasuke's cheek as the bottle was thrusted in his hole. His breathes were so heavy they almost turned into moans, his cries were so frantic he was sobbing out loud. His body tried to reject his effort to prove something non-existed. The poor pussy tightened and contracted around the cold plastic cylinder. At least it was cold and hard. Luckily it wasn't hot and pulsing like an actual human's penis.

Dark eyes stared at the ceiling and the light with tears sparkled like crystal. His body shook nonstop. And it was disgusting. It was so fucking disgusting his body finally let that thing came in and happily released slick at the feeling of being full for pleasure. It felt so good but why didn't sobs stop escaping from his throat?

Pale hand thrusting the bottle in and out as the other hand rapidly stroking his cock. He wanted it to be quick and everything would be over. Sasuke felt the familiar heat pooled between his legs. He didn't dare to close his eyes when he came because that would bring him things he didn't want to see. Just staring at the light. Staring.

_________________________________________________

 

_The man was done with Sasuke when he threw the teen on the bed. He put on his clothes and threw the bills on his naked body. "Take your stuff and get outta here quick. I don't want my wife to fucking see you."_

_He hurriedly put on his clothes and went out, shoving the bills into his pant pocket. His legs were trembling as he got out and walked down the street, pale skin got even paler. Sasuke didn't want to go home. He wanted to run faraway till nobody can see him, but truly all he could run was to the children's playground._

_The burnt orange haze fell upon his back as he played with the swing, swinging himself forward and backward. Dark eyes were so dry they couldn't leak a tear. His feelings were empty. As the children walked by, Sasuke looked at their book bags. Being sixteen years old, he carried something almost as heavy too but it wasn't a book bag._

_The children's eyes, the sky, the soil. Everything was so pure except for him. He was dirty with that man's cum in his pants._

_Sasuke put his hands over his face. He couldn't cry._

____________________________________________________

 

That night, Naruto looked at the other side of the city through his balcony. The place was illuminated with light although it had passed midnight. That part had always been vibrant and conspicuous compared to this side of the town that was mostly dark and silent.

He didn't know if they were waiting for him to meet them there. Hinata and Boruto. Sometimes Naruto thought he should just come there and settle, even though he wasn't ready to meet them yet.

The blond lit another cigarette. He was blowing the smoke when he heard that familiar voice.

"You are... Dead." It was said very faintly, but enough for him to hear in this midnight's silence. "Right here."

Please... Leave me alone." It was a little bit louder. "Leave us alone. We just want to live."

After a while, he heard the sound of a door closing. Everything was dead quiet and Naruto went inside.

__________________________________________________________

 

It was raining heavily the whole following week. Sasuke sat by the window, changing the baby's clothes and talking softly to Menma. The raven chuckled happily when he saw the baby's innocent questioning gaze.

"All full and dressed, aren't we." He kissed the baby's cheek, making him smile. "Why must you be so cute, huh?"

"I love you so much." He whispered and hugged him into his chest, ruffling the soft mess of raven hair. Suddenly, the door bell rang, making him frown at whoever was at the door. Definitely a stranger, because Naruto was his only guest and right now he was working. Sasuke stood up, placing Menma in his bedroom and put a blanket over him. "Shh. Stay here, okay? Mommy will be back in a second."

He opened his closet and took the crowbar hid deep under the layers of clothes. Sure, he always had that pocket knife in his pocket but for it wasn't a good defense weapon in distance measure.

The raven came to the door, crowbar held hidden in the door's corner. "Who's that?" He asked.

"Sasuke, it's us." A female voice said that made his eyes widened. He opened the door slightly but still held the crowbar in his hand, looking through the gap to check before opened it wider. "Karin?"

"Hi... Hi Sasuke. It's been a long time." She said awkwardly.

"Jugo." He glared to the orange haired man, then to the silver haired. "Suigetsu. How did you guys find this place?"

"Karin worked at the hospital you went to. She took your address from there, too." Jugo answered shortly.

The opened the door wide and invited them in, not even hid the crowbar he was holding away from their sight. Seeing that, Karin wasn't angry but happy. He'd been as cautious as she'd asked him to.

The three came in and sat at the roundtable while Sasuke went inside, putting the crowbar away and carried Menma into his arms. The baby was about to cry at not seeing his mother, making Sasuke softly hushed him. "Mommy is here, see? Let's come back outside."

He went outside and placed the cups of warm water in front of them. He didn't have any tea to serve but didn't say anything about that either. He knew they knew.

"Sorry for coming all of a sudden, Sasuke." Suigetsu said but his smile didn't show his apologize. "Where have you been all these years?"

Sasuke said nothing and kept rocking his baby. Karin threw Suigetsu a glare, sipping water to calm herself down and spoke. "S... Sorry Sasuke. For taking your address, and for coming here."

He assumed they would have known everything, so instead he asked: "Why are you here?"

"We want to help you." Said Jugo.

"Help?" Sasuke slightly raised his tone, carefully to not disturb his baby. "Like two years ago?"

"That's..." Karin's eyes widened.

"That's enough. I took the risk two years ago because there was just myself. But not my son. Please understand."

Karin's voice got quieter til it became awkward silence. She sipped his tea while Suigetsu exhaled slightly. Jugo's face went firmer. He braced his fingers around the cup, gazing at Menma then the raven.

"We really want to help you this time, Sasuke. Please trust us."


	4. The Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains prostitution, abortion thoughts, sexual harassment, panic attack and name-calling.

_Fifteen years old Sasuke laid on his bed. The phone was the only light source in his dark room. "Sorry I can't come. He's been acting a little weird lately." He talked lowly, face rest on his arms._

_Jugo asked, "Weird how?"_

_"Just... He's angry when he's on the phone more often. He's also drinking more than usual, but other than that he's completely fine."_

_"You sure? Because I don't think so."_

_"He's fine. He's been moody lately and that's all. Soon after he got over this, he'd be okay again" Sasuke said, sometimes took his phone off his ears to listen to the footsteps downstairs._

_"I hope everything will be okay. But if something happens, Sasuke... Just come over my place."_

_"I would. Thank you, Jugo." He bid goodbye to him and hung the phone up. The footsteps were getting louder as they approach his door. Sasuke pulled the blanket over his face and laid still, pretending he was asleep._

_The door of his room creaked open and_ he  _came in, asked him with a slightly drunk voice. "Sasuke? Dear are you asleep?"_

_When there was no response, he came by Sasuke's bed, sat behind him on the bed and repeated. "Sasuke?"_

_The raven stayed still, waited till the person leaves his room. But instead, he felt a hand traced down his spine, stopping right at the small of his back. The hand rested there for a while before it moved away. Suddenly he felt so cold._

_"Sasuke?" That voice whispered again. Then he heard the weight lift off his bed, the footsteps leaving his room. The creak of his door when it closed._

_The raven pulled the blanket out and sat up when he knew the person had went downstairs. His breath raged and he didn't understand why because such touching were normal to him. But where he had touch... It felt cold. Felt abnormal._

_He grabbed his phone and looked at Jugo's name on the calling list. Something was preventing him from hitting his name, telling anyone this and sneak out of the house. He put his phone down and hugged his chest, hoping he'll get rid of this feeling in the morning._

__________________________________________________________________

 

When Sasuke was woken up by the thunder stroke, he was sweating heavily. The raven immediately looked around for his son's cries, and only calmed down when he realized the baby was lying next to him. Menma had woke up, green watered eyes stared at his mother as he was picked up and hugged tight into the the familiar warm chest. Sasuke slightly rocked the child and kissed his son's crown all over with affectionate and treasuring, with an unexplainable fear that he was about to lose the baby from his arms.

Thunder clapped again making Sasuke jumped and Menma screamed. The raven tried to calm him down. While it was later in his life that Sasuke became scared of thunder, his son had always been very sensitive to noises. He could be woken with just a quiet creak of the door or whispers. Both of them hated thunder as much as cats hated water.

"Shh... Don't be scared. It's okay, mommy is here." He rocked the child, whispered while hurriedly grabbed the blanket nearby and wrapped it around them, tried to make the baby feel safe. "It's okay..."

He tried not to jump at the following thunders and repeated the words like a chant, until his son fell asleep. Still holding the baby in his arms, Sasuke stared at balcony through the transparent door, glaring at the inexistent figure standing out there.

_"I'll kill you, no matter how many times I have to do that."_

_________________________________________________________

 

It had been half a month until one of those weekend nights again. In the middle of their conversation, Naruto asked Sasuke about Menma's vaccination and offered to drive both of them to vaccinate on Menma's first vaccination.

"He's gonna cry a lot after the vaccination. I don't think you'd want to take the bus." Naruto said.

"But probably they'd make him do a checkup on that day, too. I've not been to any of his checkups. You would have to wait for a very long time." He said guiltily, feeling like a bad mother and that he was bothering Naruto again.

"I'm totally fine with waiting." Naruto said confidently, tried to drive Sasuke away from the topic. "How about your... er...  _pains_?"

"You mean cramps?" Sasuke secretly chuckled inside. "I don't have it anymore."

"That's great! But I think you still need a checkup, too..." The blond glanced over Sasuke's belly. He had lost his pregnant belly and now it's sorta flat to the sight. He didn't recall Hinata to have her postpartum belly reduced this fast. Maybe it was mainly because the raven was underweight.

"Don't worry, I would be fine."

"There were some big thunders last night. I heard his cries. Did that little one have trouble sleeping?"

The raven nodded, "I apologize for that. He's very sensitive to noises. Thunders terrify him."

"It's okay. Kids are usually scared of noises. But you said he's sensitive to noises?" Naruto's brows arched slightly in confusion.

"He does. He could easily be woken up with the slightest of sounds." Sasuke gave the baby a kiss on his head.

"Does he wake often during his sleeps?"

"Yeah, he usually doesn't sleep for too long. " There was an upset tint in the raven's voice. "It's my fault after all."

The blond's head was slightly tilted. He couldn't understand. "Why would it ever be your fault? Some babies just don't sleep tight and they'll soon grow out of it."

"He..." Sasuke stopped midway, didn't know why he was telling the blond all of this. Of course he shouldn't be telling his personal story, but somehow, he felt relieved spilling the beans. Like a part of tension was lifted off his shoulder. Sasuke couldn't control when his lips moved, "You know he was born premature, right?"

"Yeah?" A blond eyebrow raised. He would not have remembered if the raven hadn't mentioned. That was probably the reason why Sasuke's son had sleeping troubles.

"It was my fault he was born premature. I..." His voice dropped, "I shouldn't have overreacted..."

"No, no way! Trust me, you didn't!" Naruto quickly said. "It is normal for a person to have... bad feelings in bad times, but that's because we're only human Sasuke. We just express feelings and that's completely fine. It is not your fault Menma is premature, it's just the situation that is. The situation...err..." The blond struggled to find the right words but he couldn't.

"Okay, okay. I got it." Sasuke chuckled. "Thank you, Naruto. Really."

"This little one will grow up into a fine young man. Trust me."

"He would." Said the raven.

____________________________________________________________________

 

Menma fell asleep on Sasuke's chest while feeding. He burped the baby and tucked him into his blanket, gave him a kiss before settle down into the table nearby.

Quietly, the raven pulled out the package his old friends gave him and went through them. Inside, there are some applications, nanny centers, and two big packets of papers.

_"This," Karin pulled a packet out of her bag and placed it on the table. "It would be great if you could fill them out. I'll take care of them and I'll contact the nanny centers too if you want. But that's not the important thing."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_The redhead pushed her glasses up. "Jugo found something interesting."_

There were many missing person information sheets. At first Sasuke didn't understand why Karin gave him this. But as he read the sheet, something kinda popped up in his mind. Pale hands hurriedly flipped through the papers, dark orbs widened at every word.

It was just unbelievable.

____________________________________

 

That was the first time in almost three months Sasuke went outdoor, and he was only out for some hours.

Menma had just been vaccinated and checked up. He was now tired and sleeping peacefully in Sasuke's arms after crying too much, while his mother, cursing under his breath, paid the check up's fee. He'd just got out of debt and now had to use almost all the first food money he'd got in months to pay for this overpriced checkup because Menma wouldn't be covered by his insurance until mid of the month. But the raven wasn't angry for too long, he was glad his son could finally be checked and made sure he is healthy. Sasuke'd been dead worried for the baby and felt guilty that he couldn't take his son to any well-baby checkups since he was born.

While Sasuke was standing in the waiting room, all the whispers around got into his ears.

_"Is that a high school kid? Gosh, kids these days..."_

_"Little whore. Bet that kid is a bastard."_

He ignored all of them and went out to the door, ignored all the looks and whispers and bare disdains they gave him, just like usual. The raven walked to the parking lot and got in Naruto's car, sitting in the passenger's seat.

"How did he do?" Naruto asked as he looked at the rearview mirror.

"Good. He didn't cry until after they vaccinated him." Sasuke wore his seatbelt then held the baby tightly in his arms. Even when the hospital is not far from home, he did not feel safe holding his child while on a car like this. He was slightly anxious and felt like Naruto should not have any distraction so the raven was quiet the whole ride home.

Naruto, on the other hand, was not upset but concerned about his silence. He noticed the dismay look on the raven's face when he looked into the rearview mirror and knew something happened with him back in the hospital. The blond regretted not going with the teen into the hospital, he could have been some sort of... support to the raven, maybe? But then, the reason he did not come in in the first place was that he wanted to give him space and privacy, and to prevent people from calling the police if they ever thought he was the father of the eighteen-year-old's child. It seemed so weird but mostly it was the second one. And now Naruto regretted it.

Sasuke sighed relievedly when the blond safely parked in front of his home. Before he got out, Naruto held a pizza box up to his sight and said. "I forgot to tell you I bought this while you were in there. Let's eat it together, okay?"

The raven nodded and smile slightly. "Sure, let me tuck Menma in first."

________________________________________________

 

The vaccination made Menma become very fussy. He woke three times during the night and always wanted to be held. Sasuke was dead tired. He couldn't sleep because of all the thunders out there and the sound of wind hitting his window,

"Come on... Just eat already." He said with half-closed eyes, tried to push his nipple into the baby's mouth but he didn't latch. He ate like normal after Sasuke had lunch with Naruto, but since evening he went fussy and refused to eat. The raven felt anxious, his flat chest ached from anxiety and from not being relieved of milk. "Please... Eat, okay? Mommy is worried... You need to eat." He rubbed the baby's back unconsciously, using the last of strength to keep himself from falling back to the mattress and sleep.

He didn't know when did he fall asleep, but after a while, the raven jolted awake at Menma latching on his nipple. Sasuke smiled and ruffled the baby's hair, then yawned. It was dark outside and raining heavily, the air was getting colder so he laid closer to his son in hope that this would keep him warm. With a little light from the streetlight out of the window, the raven could see his son's face, angelic and beautiful. So beautiful that every time he looked at him, Sasuke couldn't believe this is the child he gave birth to, nor the child that shares half the blood with  _that son of a bitch._ His green eyes pure and clean, like a precious mirror made by the greatest craftsman, or a fresh pond laid in a spring garden. Not the same dull, dirty eyes that always made him feel the urge to vomit at the sight. Menma was so beautiful and he belonged to him, no matter who he shared blood with.

________________________________________________

 

Karin pushed all the finished work into a corner of her table and lit a cigarettes. Puffing out a blow of smoke, she recalled a certain raven figure from her memory. Back in the hospital, she didn't get to see Sasuke much until she came to his house.

Although the raven was the same age as her, he looked like he didn't grow up from his sixteen. Aside from some traces of a hard life on his face, he now looked like a little brother compared to Karin. Still that height, still that appearance that kept him from the flow of time. The only thing that made had changed, and made Karin freaked out, was his body. Sasuke had never been more than skinny, but at least he didn't look starving three years ago. The Sasuke she met some weeks ago looked like he hadn't been eating properly with his skin paler than before and his bones protruding visibly. He looked... small. He looked immature and unhealthily small.

She didn't dare to imagine what had happened to him during those years, something so horrible she knew barely about at that turned her Sasuke into that.

Karin remembered how he was like the first time they met. They had their freshman year together and Sasuke was one of the most handsome boys in her class. Although they were in the same class, she didn't have the gut to open a conversation with him til she knew he was friend with Jugo. Jugo were her and Suigetsu's friend back then, but with Sasuke, they became a group of close friends who shared their time together.

The raven had always been closer to Jugo than the rest of the group. At first Karin was jealous, then she became curious. She asked them many times with Suigetsu always saying,  _"Because you suck",_ until Sasuke answered that himself.

_"We grew up in the same orphanage."_

Turned out, both of them were adopted and had the coincidence of meeting each other again in this school, after Sasuke transferred many times. Maybe he was bullied for his sex, because he kept it so well that if she didn't accidentally see his medical profile, she wouldn't have known it. Back then, intersex were really rare and weren't quite like today. Now people like Sasuke were still minorities, but more common. Yet in some places they hadn't updated their mindset and still were the assholes they are.

But now, everything she knew about him years before turned upside down. The moment Karin met the raven again after years was the moment she could never predicted.

It was a late night shift in the hospital. She was bringing the aids to this room when this nurse gave her a paper and asked her to bring it to the office. As she walked down the hallway, she read the certificate, an act that she did not usually do, and felt weird about the baby's name. But when she saw the mother's name, things got even weirder.

Karin remembered how her body shook so much she had to lean on a wall nearby and adjusted her glasses. She didn't mistake it... The mother was  _Sasuke Takai_ , and the father was blank. Apparent to her eyes.

Sasuke Takai, the boy who disappeared two years ago, was now back with a child.

__________________________________________________________

 

"You see me, right?" Sasuke played peek a boo with Menma and laughed loudly at the boy's reaction. "Now stay here, okay? Mommy will get the mails and be back in a second."

He locked the door and went out to the mid of the floor's hallway to check his mail box. There were several letters, most were bills and overdue notices that he knew right away without having to open them. The raven fished the letters into the pocket of his old cardigan and turned around, readied to go back into his house when he heard a voice talking to him.

"Finally you're out, huh?" A young, male voice asked from behind his back. Sasuke ignored it and kept walking but that voice approached him. "I don't see your kid with you. Did you threw it down the balcony when you were hooking? Or did you give it away heheh?"

The raven walked fast to the point he literally ran, but a hand quickly caught his arm and swung him back. "Hey! Don't ignore when people are trying to talk to you!"

Being held face to face with the man, Sasuke had no option but to glare at him. He kind of remember this voice; this is the voice he heard over the wall last month. Sasuke thought about the knife in his pocket but again, thought about all the troubles it would bring him like before. "Whoa! You look pretty good for a hooker, huh?"

"Let me go, you fucking shit." The raven tried to thrash away from his hold but the other man was much bigger than him. He had silver slicked-back hair and eyes with, what he bet was, contact lenses. Seeing his glare, the man chuckled.

"Your pretty mouth is so dirty. I wonder how dirtier it can get..." His words made him feel the urge to vomit. "How much do you take for a blowjob?"

Surprisingly, the raven kicked hard between his legs and punched him, earning almost a yell from the other man. While he was on the floor, Sasuke ran to his apartment and hurriedly unlocked it, closing the door and locking it behind his back. He even pushed the table and everything heavy he could found in front of the door and leaned on the nearby wall, breathing heavily. The raven then went to the bathroom's toilet and threw up, feeling every nerve in his body was going crazy when he remembered the unfortunate things again. His heart beat so fast and the corners of his eyes are watering. Sasuke could have broken down if he hadn't heard his son's cries...

Right... Menma. How could he had forgotten about Menma. Sasuke washed his mouth and went to the bedroom, hurriedly craddled Menma into his chest. He couldn't stop telling himself that Menma did not have mother like that. Menma didn't deserve this, didn't deserve a filthy person like him.

_________________________________________________________

 

”Sasuke, are you there?” Naruto asked after he'd knocked on the door for three times but received no answer. He thought about a possible chance that something came up and the teen was just not comfortable seeing anyone so he decided to give up. Right when he was about to leave, the door opened slightly.

"Naruto..." Said Sasuke, his voice oddly quieter than usual.

"Oh... Er... I just want to give you this." He gave the grocery bag to the raven and the boy accepted it. "Um... Yeah! Hope I'm not bothering you for anything. Have a good day!"

"No..." Sasuke stared at him for a moment, then opened the door wider. "Come in."

"There's no need to, I'm just here to..."

"Please." The raven said and stepped aside from the door. There was something in those dark eyes that made him worry for once, so he did as the raven wanted.

There was no smell of food like usual and the home was a little darker, but what caught his eyes the most were the table, drawer and shelf... laid near the door way, which was very unusual. The raven picked Menma up from the bedroom and sat in front of him, without a table, quietly rocking the baby and staring at the floor.

The blond wanted to ask if everything is okay, but definitely, everything did  _not_ look okay at all. So instead he asked, "Is there something you're concerning about right now?", as an old habit from his past.

It took a while for Sasuke to answer. "...No, there isn't."

"Okay." Said the blond. "But if something comes up, just tell me, okay?"

"I would. Thank you."

They had some chats, but it was Sasuke who rarely response to the conversation and seemed like he was elsewhere, made the atmosphere awkward. Naruto sensed something so bad that made the kid like that, because deep under his blank expression of a face was fearsome that was slowly leaking out, drop by drop. So despite the atmosphere, despite the bored conversation, he somehow stayed until late.

When he was about to leave was when the blank mask on Sasuke's face broke. The boy gave him a collapsed look of frightening that quickly recollected into the ashamed, false calm.

Naruto didn't know that three days later, he'd regret leaving the boy to his own. He'd never expect the frightening look on Sasuke's face would haunt him nights late, forever reminding him of how much of a fool he was.

__________________________________________________________

 

_He was sixteen._

_"How much do you want for this?" The man asked, grabbing his face to have a better view. Sasuke stared at the ceiling to avoid seeing his face that'd make him nauseous._

_"A hundred per hour." Said_ him.

_"Damn! That's expensive! I could probably get two whores with that for the whole night, let alone this tiny piece of shit."_

_"Sure. You can go get them if you want."_

_"Urrg! You greedy cunt!!" He groaned and pulled the bills from his pocket to hand_ the man _._ He _took the money and left, the door coldly creaked close behind his footsteps._

_Alone with the man, he stared blankly to the floor as if his soul had flew away and his poor, vulgar body was staying behind to all the miseries he had to suffer._

_"You know what to do, kid." The hoarse voice of the aged man pulled him back to reality. He looked up to see the man undressing himself and the raven did the same, peeling back every piece of clothing and revealed every inch of skin to those hungry eyes._

_He stepped back to the bed and laid down. Staring at the ceiling, Sasuke spread his legs and held them up high like the wings of a butterfly pinned to a collection box, gorgeous and dead._

___________________________________________________________

 

_Somewhere during his seventeen, the raven was cleaning the table when a beer can hit his head. "Go buy me some beers and make yourself useful." A drunken voice told him, throwing some bills into his place with another can._

_The raven took the bills and went out. When the night's cold wind hit his lips, Sasuke hissed because that place was split during the beating. Fortunately that was the only injury on his face, because his face was always spared during the beating. Otherwise, nobody would pay for him. On the way to the beers, he walked pass a barbecue and although the teen was very hungry, he felt nauseous. The thought of those oily, fried pieces of meat somehow made him feel uncomfortable._

_Sasuke went into a store he knew that the cashier would never care to ask for his ID to buy alcohol. Hence, he did not even care about the bruises shown frequently on the raven's body, let alone if it's legal for him to buy or not. Grabbing a bunch of beer cans, he was on the way out to the cashier when he noticed a certain shelf._

_Condoms, lubes... The most hilarious thing is that they also had pregnancy tests, although they were selling tools to prevent conceiving on the same shelf._

_Then a thought came to his mind. He'd been feeling nauseous a lot lately, not in an explainable way. Even when he stopped going to school, he knew that nausea was a sign of pregnancy and... Could it be? He was...?_

_His heart beat faster as anxiety came up. Maybe_ he _would not notice if a few bucks disappeared,_ he _was always drunk and did not care about the change because_ he _never gave him too much money. It's not like he was a hundred percent pregnant, right? It's better checking to confirm that._

_Shakily, pale hand reached up to take a test._

_____________________________________________________________

 

_Sasuke tried to still his sobs as fear and anxiety erupted through him. Curling up on the bed, his stomach ached from throwing up too much lately. The test laid not too far on the floor, with two visible red lines as the main cause of his panic attack._

_He was truly pregnant. Not only did they leave something in his mind, they left something in his body, too. A living thing, slowly growing inside his belly._

_Who? Whose... is it? No, that doesn't matter. What was he gonna do? How was he gonna deal with it? Keep, or abort it? How long could he hide it? Did he even have an option?_

_Moreover, what will_ he  _do once he knew?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it here! How did you feel about the story? What's your prediction for the next chapter? Your thoughts and supports would be very great motivations of mine so please share it! ~ Dried_Asparagus.


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